Years back, there was this song by Linkin Park called "Numb" under the album Meteora. In the lyrics it says,"I'm tired of what you want me to be ... I don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes" that "I've become so numb" and only want to "be more like me and less of you". I guess this aptly describe some of the feelings while being in a relationship. Yesterday in the cinema, I caught "Eat.Pray.Love". The female protagonist of this film, Liz, is looking for change, looking for balance in her life, looking for that person she used to be, with an appetite for life before her failed marriage. Although I couldn't immediately identify with her and was still figuring her real motivations for her journey half the time during the screening, I felt connected to her in retrospect after the film.
Like someone numb, who has lost balance, lost a sense of self and feeling anxious of being aware of this loss, I have identified with both the persona from Linkin Park's "Numb" and Liz. Now I see what I've been doing somewhat similar to Liz. I've been indulging myself in cooking sprees, grocery shoppings, eating with zest just like I used to do and enjoyed doing. Going back to food, enjoying the process of eating and cooking is indeed therapeutic. Instead of traveling all over the world like Liz, I've traveled into Mystic Falls and numerous other places through my indulgence in watching tonnes of TV like never before. I don't feel intense sharp grief that pierce my heart at the thought of what I've lost through the failed relationship. Neither do I feel sadness or guilt... I feel numb instead. I've stopped crying but I hope I'll never have to stop showing compassion for others, just like how in "Eat. Pray. Love", Liz shows loving kindness for her friend who becomes a bride in an arranged marriage and by helping Tutti which also means "Everyone" in Italian.
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